i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You can't motorboat a personality
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
