i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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