matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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