Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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