He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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