So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
