the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
