Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
