we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
