Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
