I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
