we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
