i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
so much tequila, so little girl.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
