you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
