none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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