Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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