But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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