Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Let's paint friendship bongs
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
