I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
