If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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