I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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