I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
BRING THE BAGELS
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize