omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Randomize
