I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
