You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
50% drunk capacity currently
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
