shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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