i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
