This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
