I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
