So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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