Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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