Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
