New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
