Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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