wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
