i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
