I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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