Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I understand Curling. That high.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
