please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
