I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
