Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
