Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
