We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
