Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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