Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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