True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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