sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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