I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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