don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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