My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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