So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
