i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
