The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
