I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
