suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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